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Never Was

by Lou Kelly

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1.
Introducing Afterthoughts 00:55
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2.
Drain My Soul 03:30
lyrics
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If I had a ghost, I'd set it free Flow into the world, fly far from me Fly far away. Fly far away Let it burn in the loving rays of the sun Scatter the ashes across the sand See the grey rape the green from the land No hope No hope Please Take this life, put it back into the womb Wilted minds were never meant to bloom Crumble Consume Eat my heart and drain my soul Suck my life and leave me cold Absence is what makes me whole This lifetime of dying Be the rumor to my guarded truth Be the tumor that ends my youth Absence is what makes me whole No use in trying Dead in the ground. This sounds familiar Celebrating the fruits of my failure Far away. So far away My thirst to fight has dried up on the light Shake my frail frame until I fall apart Let the wolves have the remains of my molded heart No hope No hope Please Take this life, put it back into the womb Wilted minds were never meant to bloom Crumble Consume Eat my heart and drain my soul Suck my life and leave me cold Absence is what makes me whole This lifetime of dying Be the rumor to my guarded truth Be the tumor that ends my youth Absence is what makes me whole No use in trying Rejoice in disgust Cut, cut, cut Rejoice in disgust Cut, cut, cut Dead in the ground Dead in the ground Hollow, hollow, hollow, hollow memories Hollow, hollow, hollow, hollow memories Are you dead or alive? (Are you dead or alive?) Are you dead or alive? (Are you dead or alive?) Are you loved or deprived? (Are you loved or deprived?) Will you ever survive? (Will you never survive?) Are you dead or alive? Are you dead or alive? (Dead in the ground) Are you loved or deprived? Will you ever survive?
3.
Ancient Adolescents 03:14
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I'm alone in this sea of children My glare meets their gaze Faded future If I could crawl inside Their pimpled shells and hide Relive the glory through new eyes Dreams paralyzed Let me feed Let me breathe Through your supple lungs Speak with your naïve tongues Rejoice in disgust Will you be my host to this dying ghost? I'm lonely Will you hold me? So sacred and holy I want to feel your skin prickled from new pain Before it fades, worn and stained What doesn't kill me makes me sicker I pray that I die that much quicker But before I do Let me bleed into you Let our teeth gnash, our bodies thrash Our virgin skin enraptured in trash There's no bite to my teeth No leaves in my wreath I've wandered this earth Seeking rebirth Drink me in for all I am worth Let me take on my new form Share your flesh while it's wet and warm If I could crawl inside Your pimpled shells and hide Relive the glory through new eyes Dreams paralyzed Let me feed Let me breathe Through your supple lungs Speak with your naïve tongues Rejoice in disgust Dreams paralyzed Let me feed Let me breathe Through your supple lungs Speak with your naïve tongues Rejoice in disgust Will you be my host to this dying ghost? Let me fester. Let me mold Let me sink into your soul Youth. Give me youth Give me your first kisses And I will give my last dying breath Memories of lullabies The thrill of being terrified Child, let me be your parasite
4.
Ballad of Filth 03:00
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Pus seeps out of my pores And leaks into my sores Filth, hold me close Sacred sewage, in all its allure So putrid and pure Filth, hold me tight Filth. Filth I'm embraced by the loving arms of filth Miserably and merrily reborn Filth. Filth Bury me in waste Far from the light Hide me from the world I assume that the discards I consume Will finally bloom Filth, hold me close All alone, all alone Left to rot in this molded home of black dust and bone Filth, hold me tight Desolate. Desolate It's more than adequate Swimming in the pools of waste and ejaculate Filth, hold me close Ride the waves of leftover slaves Thieves, lust lovers, and naïve knaves Swim to the cave Filth, hold me tight Bury me in waste Bury me in waste Filth (hold me close). Filth (hold me tight) I'm embraced by the loving arms of filth Miserably and merrily reborn Filth (hold me close). Filth (hold me tight) Bury me in waste Far from the light Save me from the world Hollow, hollow, hollow, hollow memories
5.
Death Incarnate 02:50
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I promised God I'd worship the Devil Sneer in my moments of rabble and revel My clothes are a few shades darker than black My scowl is my nice way of saying, "shut the fuck up" I need a smoke. Give me a tailpipe to suck and inhale Death. Death My perfume leaks the stench of hot piss and Death. Death Flailing my bony limbs into the grips Fall into their lips Ass cracks and anthrax Bathing in the mud And caressed by blackened suds High on the fumes of death incarnate Glamour in the grit And there are diamonds in the shit Drunk off the nectar of death incarnate No hope The lesson I've learned at the end of my rope Since the beginning of my life, all I have been thinking Is the end I feed off the carcass from leftover prey Scavenging helps me from shrinking away I fight off the flies from taking my food The glorious living of cigarette homes Breathe, breathe in the ash Death. Death My perfume leaks the stench of hot piss and Death. Death Flailing my bony limbs into the grips Fall into their lips Ass cracks and anthrax Bathing in the mud And caressed by blackened suds High on the fumes of death incarnate Glamour in the grit And there are diamonds in the shit Drunk off the nectar of death incarnate No hope The lesson I've learned at the end of my rope Since the beginning of my life, all I have been thinking Is the end Death. Death My perfume leaks the stench of hot piss and Death. Death Eroding at the edges lies the Specter of Death. Death Pouring from my mouth is the last of my breath Death. Death Bastards of the filth We are saints of death
6.
Cadavers 02:49
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Crust ripping through the chest Gently corroding over my tongue Passion in being possessed Gout grinds into the bone Cuts my legs and runs away My limbs never came home Since my execution All I've been dreaming are cadavers hereafter Writhing and lifeless Cadavers in laughter My head rolls into one of five holes My torso applauds for Cadavers hereafter in laughter I can't write another sonnet Ever since my hands went missing I can't quite put my finger on it No need to attack Now that I'm just flesh and bone I can say it's no skin off my back No fear or retreat Ever since I severed my limbs I don't have cold feet Since my execution All I've been dreaming are cadavers hereafter Writhing and lifeless Cadavers in laughter My head rolls into one of five holes My torso applauds for Cadavers hereafter in laughter Rejoice in disgust Are you dead or alive? Are you dead or alive? Are you loved or deprived? Will you ever survive? Are you dead or alive? Are you dead or alive? Are you loved or deprived? Will you ever survive?
7.
Hollow Memories 03:53
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Let me collapse into the depths of the past Let me trip and fall into my pleasures at last Please let me drown and let me sink down Into the pockets of my fading mind Let me drop to the ground God, will you please Help. Help I'm imploding into my myself. I'm turning hollow as I wallow Save me from tomorrow Death. Death Mourning over things that could never be Just a broken shell of the man I should be I'm trapped behind these tired, empty eyes Sifting through the relics that were left behind All alone. All alone Dusting off, feeding off of these nostalgic scraps The hallowed remains of a better life Hollow, hollow, hollow, hollow memories Hollow, hollow, hollow, hollow memories Lack-lusting strife Will you please Help. Help I'm imploding into my myself. I'm turning hollow as I wallow Save me from tomorrow Death. Death. Mourning over things that could never be Just a hollow husk of the man I once was As it settles into the rust on the metal The dust from the past fills my paper lungs Jaded, bitter tongues No future behind these walls of my wilting mind I thrust my fists and climb the walls And cry out to anyone at all for Help Help Help Help Help Transcend your own past Transcend your own past Now I collapse into the depths of the past As I trip and fall into my treasures at last Why did I drown? Why did I sink down Into the pockets of my fading mind? How could you let me drop to the ground? Hollow, hollow, hollow, hollow memories Hollow, hollow, hollow, dead memories Help. Please, God just help
8.
Cutters 04:10
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That flap of skin Holds your ghost in Pierce that pink veil To let light in Cut, prick, and poke Flesh marked with cracks Open your veins To see what's black Anatomy Blood bathory Explored piece by piece Reject from Christ Regret by the slice Sewage flowing through veins Depressed? Undress your pain Let it flow Let it spill Let your wrists breathe Set your ghost free Unchained from your earthly husk Bleed. Let it bleed Don't you dare succumb to greed Don't be selfish. Don't be greedy Set your ghost free Bleed. Let it bleed Let it flow into the world Show us your really are And share your inner beauty with a Cut, cut, cut, hack and cut right into the bone Cut, cut, hack and cut. Rip through your shell You're not going deep enough. Open your skin And let this blade sink into your soul Blood in the wind Flying in the breeze It solves problems It cures disease It's what you need It's the answer To everything From doubt to cancer You should warm up To its embrace Don't be afraid to taste Reject From Christ Regret By the slice Sewage flowing through veins Depressed? Undress your pain Let it flow Let it spill Let your wrists breathe Set your ghost free Unchained from your earthly husk Oh, shit Bleed. Let it bleed Don't you dare succumb to greed Don't be selfish. Don't be greedy Set your ghost free Bleed. Let it bleed Let it flow into the world Show us your really are And share your inner beauty with a Cut, cut, cut, hack and cut right into the bone Cut, cut, hack and cut. Rip through your shell You're not going deep enough. Open your skin And let this blade sink into your soul Are you dead or alive? Are you dead or alive? Are you loved or deprived? Will you ever survive? Are you dead or alive? Are you dead or alive? Are you loved or deprived? Will you ever survive? Are you dead or alive? Are you dead or alive? Are you loved or deprived? Will you ever survive? Are you dead or alive? Are you dead or alive? Are you loved or deprived? Will you ever survive?
9.
Transcend (by Means of Escape) 02:57
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I'm pacing 'round in circles You'd think I was a vulture Preying on the crumbs left on the floor I'm scratching the walls until my hands Turn into stubs There is nothing left for me here Escape. Escape This place of blood and yellow tape Escape. Escape Before it's too late Oh, shit Everyday I'm wasting away in the mirror No hope, just slop and swill Dragged down by my dregs of failure A never-was, never-is, never-will Burned bridges and a map of dead ends Transients who will never transcend Goddammit, I'm crying out for help Dreams paralyzed and left on the shelf Wearing Death Incarnate's cheap perfume I'm lost in my own cage A novel; scribbled on every page "You will die alone" Escape. Escape This place of blood and yellow tape Escape Before it's too late Oh, shit Everyday I'm wasting away in the mirror No hope, just slop and swill Dragged down by my dregs of failure A never-was, never-is, never-will Burned bridges and a map of dead ends Transients who will never transcend Rejoice in disgust All alone. All alone in molded homes of black dust and bone All alone. All alone in molded homes of regret and stone All alone with the discards that were thrown On the floor with the needles, cum, blood, and bone Escape. Escape This place of blood and yellow tape Escape. Escape Before it's too late Oh, shit Everyday I'm wasting away in the mirror No hope, just slop and swill Dragged down by my dregs of failure A never-was, never-is, never-will Burned bridges and a map of dead ends Transients who will never Transcend their own past
10.
Mother Knows Best 04:01
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Mother there is no other Who can bring me peace Slivers of solace or sweet release Will you tuck me in? Will you forgive my sins? Mother Do you love me less than my brother? I know I fell far Away from your light and into tar Hold me to your breast Let me confess then tell me Mother knows best Mother knows best Mother knows Let the wicked rest Because Mother knows best Mother Will you huddle, will you hover Over me forever? Will you write out my endeavors? Will you keep me warm? Will you keep in the storm? Mother Will you cast out all lovers? Chase away the light? Will you drown out my thirst to fight? Hold me to your breast Tell me I'm your most cherished pest Let me rot, let me wallow Will you save me from tomorrow? Let me melt into your milk Keep me small, keep me hollow Will you save me from tomorrow? Tell me I'm your pest Tell me Mother knows best Mother knows best Mother knows best Mother knows All along, I've been trying To be a part of you To be rid of you All these songs about dying Sung for you Let me crawl to my doom Let me die in your womb Dead in the ground Transcend your past Dead in the ground
11.
Scum 03:35
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Scum Scum Putrid in the most perfect way Reborn to wilt and rot away Dead in the ground Dead in the ground Bones smothered in flesh Blood stained in the cotton and mesh Dead in the ground Dead in the ground Fragments of filth and plaque This soil nurtures nothing but black Help Help Bathe me in Scum. Scum Distilled in excrement Wash me in Scum. Scum Disgust in decadence Recalling ballads of Filth, hold me close Filth, hold me tight Semen, spit, and cellulite Black cum Surrender to this orgy of death and scum Pull me down into this pit This sacred hole of living shit Dead in the ground Dead in the ground Grit groans through punctured throats Swallow everything except the antidote Dead in the ground Dead in the ground Spread my body across the coals Let the sewer reclaim my soul No need to run away, child This place has always been safe Help Bathe me in Scum. Scum Distilled in excrement Wash me in Scum. Scum Disgust in decadence Recalling ballads of Filth, hold me close Filth, hold me tight Semen, spit, and cellulite Surrender to scum Spread my body across the coals Let the sewer reclaim my soul Bathe me in Scum. Scum Distilled in excrement Wash me in Scum. Scum Disgust in decadence Recalling ballads of Filth, hold me close Filth, hold me tight Semen, spit, and cellulite Black cum Surrender to this orgy of death and scum
12.
Welcome Home 04:39
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Have you come far from walking in circles? Have you conquered your self-inherited hurdles? Will you rest your aching mind? Will you finally rest? Will you give in this time? Memories of lullabies Lull you into bleary eyes You've trudged among the flies No need to run away, child We've longed to say Welcome home Crawl into our arms Let us lay you down Welcome back Let us welcome you home No Dead in the ground Let the sewer claim your soul Spread your body 'cross the dying coals Dead in the ground Let us drag you in this pit Give in, give up, and quit Don't We said don't listen to the howl of calloused tongues Don't listen to the husk of hollow lungs Will you rest your wilting mind? Will you finally rest? Will you give in this time? Memories of lullabies Lull you into bleary eyes You've trudged among the weary Made love to the swarm of flies Buried beneath waste Cadavers laugh and taste at the Cut marks in your soul No need to run away, child Right here you stay You won't be alone We've longed to say Welcome home Crawl into our arms Let us lay you down Welcome back Let us welcome you home No Dead in the ground Let the sewer claim your soul Spread your body 'cross the dying coals Dead in the ground Let us drag you in this pit Give in, give up, and quit Don't No longer be such a husk of a host To this poor dying thing you call a ghost Fly far away. So far away Out from the womb, you were born to stay There is no need to cry out for help today Burn the bridges to the dead ends Finally you will transcend to the light Light Will you rejoice and dance in the light? No need to fight Bring new memories that will fill in the hollow Welcome tomorrow No longer all alone Finally you have come back home Leave behind your blackened clothes But will you stay? Hollow, hollow, hollow, hollow, hollow, hollow memories...

about

In 2016, I tried to start a metal band with my friends.
However, the project never got off the ground and I shelved it.
Years later, I revisited the instrumentals and forced lyrics on them against their will.
Some more years later, I now have this afterthought of a concept album for a band that never was.

credits

released March 10, 2024

Everything by me.

Thank you to Justice Reckis and MANdrew years ago giving arrangement suggestions on the album that really helped make it not so flat and 2-dimensional.

Thank you to everyone who put in their blood, sweat, and tears into this band that never came to be.
I'm truly sorry I wasted your time and creative energy.
I hope you've forgotten all about it by now.

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Lou Kelly California

Lou Kelly is a creator of distracting background music from somewhere in California.

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