Halloween Party

from Scumlords by Lou Kelly

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lyrics

Alright, I brushed my hair back and popped my pimples.
I am ready to enter this room.
Right now, I'm just a boy but that's OK. I'll be a man soon.

Let's go.

I've been drinking for what felt like days
I've been brushing my teeth but the smell won't go away.
I tried bathin' and shavin'. I think I need some savin'.
You know what the “H” means?
Jesus Hygiene Christ.

I'm wearing jeans that are just too tight
(Oh, no). I saw this girl at this party tonight.
So I'm jumpin'. Fist pumpin'.
I'm hopin' for some humpin'.
We made eye contact
at least once or twice.

She said, “make like a tree and leave”.
I don't wanna be alone.
“Well, too bad. Go home. Just go home”.

I got the courage to get up and dance
(Oh, no). I stepped too wide and I split my pants.
My lefty, my righty stickin' out my tighty-whities.
What do I do?
Pull yourself together, man.

I try to tip-toe to the corner of the room to hide myself and my split pantaloons.
God, I'm ugly.
No, I'm fugly.
Yes, that label fits me snugly just like my poor pants.
God, I hate myself. Why did I bring myself here?

Don't mind me...

Alright, pull yourself and your pants together.
It's not the end of the world.
It's a Halloween party after all.
You can just say it's part of your costume or put on a mask and no one will ever have to know it's you.
It's OK. You'll get through this.

Aah-ooooooooooooh.

Please, don't mind me.
I just want some punch.
I wanna get piss drunk tonight so I can pretend this never happened.

“Will you please stop breathing on me?”
I don't wanna be alone.
“Well, too bad. Go home. Just go home.”

God, I hate myself.
Why did I bring myself here?

credits

from Scumlords, released October 25, 2017

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Lou Kelly California

Lou Kelly is a creator of distracting background music from somewhere in California.

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